Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Total Annihilation!

There I was, having just returned home from work, standing next to the sink about to clean up the few remaining plates and prepare dinner. I looked down and saw a giant wing flap against the side of the drain. It was a wasp! Thankfully it was next to the drain and I suddenly began the ancient Chinese water torture, except it wasn't a slow agonizing trickle but rather an attempt to drown the creature by pummeling it with wave after wave of rushing water from the water sprayer. I can not tell you how long I continued to spray the disgusting creature with water, but I assure it seemed like a lifetime. Time after time it would begin to flap its wings and desperately attempt to crawl out from the drain area and seek freedom. I applauded its resilience while simultaneously cursing its indestructible qualities.

I realized after about 3 minutes of direct water that this thing was not going to die by water torture alone. I had to engage in plan B. I absolutely had to maintain direct water contact as I began to fear it would escape and become a raging creature of death out to destroy me. While holding the water sprayer with my right hand, I stretched as far over as possible to the left to grab the paper towel roll. I grabbed the paper towels and began unrolling sheet after sheet off the roll. I had gathered a sufficient enough ball of torture and stood there watching this wasp fight for its life and contemplated how to handle this final stage of execution. I had to time it perfectly because I wanted to stop the water and then kill it without too much lapse time, allowing it to escape. I quickly turned the water off with one hand while focusing all of my strength of pushing the paper towels against the sink drain and capturing the winged critter in a suffocating and dismembering death. Don't worry, I checked to make sure he was most definitely dead before I once again squished him between the deadly walls of paper towel.

I WAS VICTORIOUS!!!!!!

8 comments:

Unknown said...

So much for going green......

Anonymous said...

I thought water boarding, even insects, has questionable moral issues.

B

Anonymous said...

There are times when in the midst of the battle you feel as if you are in fierce hand to hand combat, it is either the creature or you. The bigger the creature the bigger the battle.
Great kill fellow warrior.

mokidoku said...

You couldn't have pulled the old 'lure it into a container, cap it, and release it outside' method? ;)

Writer's Block said...

oh, stop people! Green spleen smeen. Good job coz! I would have done the same! (or, at least I hope I would have...maybe in my story someone else would have won....)

running shoes said...

when you said "winged creature"- I thought for sure you were going to say it was a bat.

Danielle said...

I feel for you. I too have been in the position of being the Nazi torture queen to unsuspecting little bugs which are forced to face a premature and often gruesome death. Glad you remained resolved and were successful in your endeavor.

Ann Parri said...

Wait.. who is running shoes??